5 Habits That Are Keeping You As The Bottleneck In Your Home

Discover the 5 habits that continually make you the only person who can run your home every day – and the small shifts that help things run without you being the bottleneck, at last!.

It’s gone half seven in the evening and you’re driving home, running the next day through your head:

• That form needs signing and sending back.
• The dentist appointment needs rebooking – you cancelled it back in March as something cropped up – but haven’t as yet got another one.
• There’s no bread for lunch tomorrow, which means an extra stop at the shop you hadn’t planned for on the way home.
• And you need to remember to get the already cooked, batched and frozen meal out of the freezer to defrost overnight for tomorrow.

You know for certain that nobody else is thinking about any of this – and that naturally makes you feel frustrated at the fact that they don’t help, and you’re left to do it all.

Well – you are. But possibly not for the reasons you might assume.

I’m here to tell you that yes, you may well be doing the lions share at home right now, but it might be more to do with your habits than the capabilities of who you live with.

You’ve become your homes bottleneck.

Nothing gets done without you, and it’s exhausting.

So now it’s time to start doing things differently – and it all comes down to changing a few habits that have bedded in over the years…

1 – Not Asking For Help

Does this sound familiar?

You ask your Husband to sort the recycling but five minutes later you’re stood over the bin, rearranging it because he’s put a pizza box in with the glass.

You’ve decided that ultimately It takes less time to just do it yourself, because it always gets done ‘wrong’ by someone else.

Delegating starts to feel like more effort than it’s worth, so you stop bothering.

The trouble with that is that that’s exactly how you end up being the only one who can do any of it.

Nobody learns the job because nobody’s ever allowed to finish it badly.

Reframe The Habit To Start Change

What you’re doing is creating a reality out of your presumption.

You’re telling yourself it’s quicker to do it yourself and yes, at first it will be. But over time that will change and the other person will be able to do it as good and as quickly as you, or even better maybe!

From now on, think of any job around the house like this:

When you have a child you read them a bedtime story because they can’t read. Over time they begin to learn, and may start to read the story instead of you. It takes a lot longer than it would take you – but you’re OK with this because they’re learning.

Then, over time they get quicker, and before long they’re reading books to themselves at night.

You’re no longer needed, but it’s a good thing.

So – why are you treating household stuff any differently?

Worth a read: How To Share Household Chores [Take The Pressure Off]

2 – Keeping It All In Your Head

The dentist appointment, the shoes that are in need of a repair, the fact the car’s due an MOT in three weeks – if you’re the bottleneck to all of this, then chances are high that none of it exists anywhere except your head.

And if that’s the case, how can you honestly expect anyone else to help?.

(If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got).

Let’s face it. Nobody can help do a job they can’t see.

This is the one that catches most capable people out most. Because you’re good at holding it all, and actually you CAN do it all, you just keep doing it.

But do you really want to?

Reframe The Habit To Start Change

When you’re ill, what happens to all the stuff in your head? How does your home run while you’re out of action?

All that really CAN happen is that things don’t get done, and you end up frustrated and less able to allow yourself the head space to recuperate properly. You have to play catch up as soon as you’re well enough, and then resent the situation you’re in.

Not a great place to be.

What you’ve created is a system that has no plan B. You haven’t made sure things can run OK without you, which leaves a HUGE gap.

So next time you realise that what you’re doing is because only you know about it – understand where that could lead.

If you carry everything in your head, you’re not being clever, you’re allowing a future issue to happen.

And who wants that?

Tip: I created my Home File for this reason. A place for all that information to go, that I could direct everyone to as and when it was needed. Things like what needs doing, when – like birthdays, holidays etc… all live inside it. Yes, I’m the one who upkeeps it – but it means that I get it all out of my head and into somewhere accessible by everyone. Bottleneck be gone!

Handy extra tool – If you’ve got kids, then get them taking more responsibility for their own stuff as they get older, in a fun way. The Kids File is perfect for that!

3 – Being The Only One Who Knows How Anything Works

Who in your house knows things like where the spare fuses live, which setting the washing machine actually needs for towels, or where to find an important document when it’s needed?

Chances are – it’s just you. You’ve become the household’s PA, and without you to guide them, things fall apart.

The tweak: next time someone asks you where something is, resist walking over and getting it. Tell them instead – even if it’s slower. It costs you a minute now. It saves you being asked forever.

4 – Systems Only Work Because You Run Them

A system that depends on you remembering to check it, chase it, or reset it isn’t really a system – it’s just you again…

The task ahead is to get people to start their own habits over time that add their own systems to help.

This comes from making life uncomfortable for a while – and stopping enabling them to carry on as they are.

You see – if you’re doing things for everyone, life is relaxed. For them. But as soon as something doesn’t happen, or isn’t in the cupboard when they go to grab it – then they can see a problem happening and will want to fix it.

Time to change this and start to have systems that run whether you’re in the mix or not.

Your first system setup: If you want everyone to help out at home and take some of your load off you, then start with what affects them the most. Put them in charge of what they need and it will much more likely get done, because there’s a real need in their head. For instance – cleaning a childs room. Stop doing it. They may live with it at a lot more dirty and untidy than you’d like – but over time they’ll start to want a nicer space and then start to do it themselves.

5 – Stepping Back In When It’s Not Done Your Way

We’ve all been there.

Someone loads the dishwasher ‘wrong’. Someone folds the towels ‘wrong’. etc…

And once they’ve gone to bed or left the room, you redo it because it bothers you more than it should and it only takes a minute to fix.

Except what you’ve actually taught everyone in the house without realising it, is the real rule: don’t bother, she’ll fix it anyway.

Do this instead: let it stay ‘wrong’. The towels will survive being folded badly. And really – what’s ‘wrong’ anyway? Is how they do it going to make a difference at all? Your family learning they can do it – even if it IS badly, at first – matters more than the towels being folded the way you prefer, ever will.

Does this sound eerily like you? If so, it’s very likely you’re a Puffin Homebird Type. Take the free quiz to find out!