If you’ve ever struggled to keep harmony in your home because of differing ideas about tidiness, keep reading—you’ll find plenty of helpful advice to make your life much more stress free!
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’re living with someone who has a completely different idea of what “tidy” means?
Maybe you’re the one who loves everything neat and organised, while someone else seems to leave a trail of clutter wherever they go.
In my own home that’s definitely the case.
My husband and I like everything in its place, but my daughter only has to spend a couple of minutes in a room for it to look like a tornado hit it.
She loves the ‘lived-in’ look, and we feel more at home when there’s nothing out that needs to be actioned in some way (we can’t relax when there are things wanting our attention).
And that can be hard.
Sharing a home with someone who has a different approach to tidiness can be frustrating at best, and stressful at worst, and although it could lead to arguments or resentment, it doesn’t have to.
In fact, with a few simple strategies, it’s possible to create a living environment where both messy and tidy people can coexist peacefully.
Here are some helpful tips to make it easier for messy and tidy people to coexist without arguments that we’ve worked out along the way – and I hope they help you in your home just as much!
1 – Start With A Chat
The first step to avoiding disputes over tidiness is clear communication.
Have a chat where everyone can openly talk about their preferences when it comes to keeping the house organised.
This isn’t about criticising or blaming anyone (after all, there’s no right or wrong amount of ‘tidy’) – it’s just about understanding each other’s habits and finding a balance that works for everyone.
During this talk, let everyone explain how they feel about the current state of the house and what level of tidiness they’re comfortable with.
Is clutter a stressor for some? Or do others feel relaxed in a more ‘lived-in’ space? Why do you feel a certain way?
Keep the atmosphere light and open, and make sure everyone has a chance to share their views. This will help prevent resentment and help everyone feel heard and understood.
Related: 4 Ways To Deal With Other Peoples Clutter
2 – Set Goals – Together
While everyone may have different ideas about what tidy looks like, it’s usually possible to agree on a few shared goals.
Work together to decide on the minimum state you’d all like to maintain in communal areas.
For example, you might decide that the living room should always be presentable, as it’s a shared space where guests are likely to visit.
You could also agree that clothes or shoes won’t be left lying around in common areas, or that kitchen counters should be kept clear.
The goals can start small at first – depending on the level of tension there is.
For instance, you could all commit to a daily 15-minute tidy up of communal areas so that they stay in a state that everyone finds acceptable without putting too much pressure or focus on any one person.
This will also help build a tidying habit in everyone – which is always a good thing!
3 – Compromise Where Possible
It’s unlikely that everyone will maintain the same standard of tidiness all the time, whatever their preferred level is, and that’s okay.
The key is to reach a compromise that respects both tidy and messier habits.
The best split is usually to keep shared spaces, like the living room, kitchen, and bathroom, to a mutually agreed level of tidiness, and then for private spaces such as bedrooms, allow more freedom for individuals to organise (or not!) their space as they like.
My teenage daughter takes full advantage of this in her room – lol!
On top of this – why not create a “messy zone” in a communal space where temporary clutter is allowed to build up.
This helps to contain the mess, but allows it to be a little messy all the same.
4 – Assign Chores Based on Strengths
Sometimes it’s not the need for mess that creates a mess.
One of those times is when there’s a lack of ability to keep spaces in a certain way.
After all, everyone has their own strengths when it comes to household chores.
While some (tidy people) might enjoy sorting out clutter, others (more messy maybe) may prefer vacuuming or dusting, and find it almost impossible to be tidy (no matter how much they want to be).
In this case, if you start to play to each person’s strengths you can give them tasks that they’re more likely to enjoy or are particularly good at.
This way, the home stays at a more organised level without anyone feeling like they’re stuck with chores they dislike.
5 – Be Flexible
Another time the mess can take over when people want to be tidy, is when they’re too busy or tired to tidy up.
Rather than letting this become a point of tension, build some flexibility into your system.
Empower people to swap chores when needed or take turns covering for each other during busy periods.
This way, responsibilities are managed without resentment building up.
6 – Focus on Positivity
Living with others who have different standards of tidiness DEFINITELY requires patience and understanding.
Not everyone defines ‘tidy’ in the same way, and trying to enforce your personal standard across the whole house can lead to unnecessary conflict.
So, instead of focusing on what hasn’t been done or what you find irritating, try to highlight the positive contributions everyone makes to the household.
If someone goes out of their way to tidy up an area or clear some clutter, express your appreciation.
Creating a positive and cooperative atmosphere makes everyone feel more inclined to contribute, and can make you feel better about a bit of mess too!
Being flexible about the little things can help keep the peace and avoid turning tidiness into a source of constant frustration.
Remember, it’s not about whose idea of ‘tidy’ is right or wrong, but about working together to create a home environment where everyone feels comfortable.
TIP: If someone leaves their shoes by the door or their jacket on a chair, ask yourself if it’s worth addressing or if it’s something you can live with. Why not add a basket by the door for those shoes, and a hook for that jacket? Work with it, rather than against.
7 – Create a System That Works for Everyone
At the end of the day, the most important thing is to create a tidying system that works for everyone in the household.
This might involve experimenting with different routines or chore charts to see what sticks.
Be open to adjusting the plan if things aren’t working as expected, and encourage regular check-ins to make sure everyone is still happy with the arrangement.
Remember, compromise is key.
A rigid system might not work for people with varying habits.
By staying open-minded and willing to adapt, you’ll find it easier to maintain a balanced and peaceful living environment.
8 – Above All – Let People Be Themselves
Everyone needs a space where they can feel completely comfortable, and this includes the freedom to be as tidy or messy as they like.
Whether it’s a bedroom or a personal corner of the house, make sure everyone has a place where they can express themselves without worrying about meeting anyone else’s standards.
This is their safe space, somewhere they can relax, leave things out if they need to, or organise as much as they want.
It’s important to respect each other’s need for this kind of sanctuary, as it can go a long way in preventing frustration and keeping harmony in the household.
So there you have it! Living with people who have different standards of tidiness doesn’t have to lead to constant bickering.
By having open discussions, setting shared goals, and being willing to compromise, you can create a home where both messy and tidy people can live happily together.
Stay positive, be flexible, and encourage cooperation, and you’ll find that it’s possible to maintain harmony in your household—no matter how differently you approach tidying.
Related: How Being Organised Or Not Can Affect Your Relationship
Hi Helen. Glad the article helped. Bedrooms are tricky, I have a daughter who has a very messy bedroom and struggles to keep it tidy – so I feel the pain! What I’ve put into place is based on her age (16). For her, the important thing is having an allowance each week. I put into place that parts of the allowance are dependant on certain things (after all, we work for money, so getting an allowance should be earned in some way too). Part of it is based on her schoolwork and getting it done etc…, part is based on her attitude and respect, and part is based on her room. Each of these parts can earn up to a third of the allowance amount each week – so it’s up to her how much she earns. This makes her room less about her room, and more about the allowance. This works brilliantly for her age – so my point is to make it work with the age of the person who has the messy room. Plus – they WILL get to a point where the room is so messy they will want to sort it out – sometimes its best to just close the door and let it build up – so they can feel the pain a little… Hope this helps x
This is definitely an issue in our house. Thanks for the advice, Chrissy. Do you have any wisdom on what to do about levels of cleanliness in the bedrooms of those who prefer to live in a messy space? How they (not I!) can keep a room clean & hygienic when you can’t see the floor/any surface?!